10 Favorite Food

 

1.     Fettuccine Alfredo

2.     Ramen  

      

3.     Adobo

 

4.     Sushi/Sashimi

5.     Xiao Long Bao

6.     Dumplings

7.     Kimchee Rice

8.     Steak

9.     Batangas Lomi

10.   Laing

 

A Typical Day in my Life (2020)

                Since I started working from home as an ESL Tutor, there were quite a few that I kind of have to change from what I used to do, just like waking up early in the morning because I usually have early classes. I am so used to staying up really late, and I really like darkness, well I still do. If I don’t have an early shift or any plans the next morning, I would still stay up really late. Some of my friends actually called me a vampire, for the obvious reason and also because they rarely see me outside especially when the sun is out.

                I would usually try to wake up at least an hour before my shift (5:00 am, I’m starting late now, since covid19, it used to be 3:00am), I would also listen to some pop music while prepping. My schedule kind of varies, I’d usually open two classes so that’s an hour and I’d get myself ready if I have a booked class then, and oh! before that, I make sure I drink at least 1 glass of warm water (You gotta keep yourself hydrated, It used to be two, but now I feel like there's so much water on my system more than what my body needs so I decided to limit it to one). After an hour, I realized now I have to allow some time for breakfast too (I never did before), so I’d have my breakfast for about 30 min, and then if I have a scheduled booked class again after I would then continue taking classes, usually until before lunch (1130-12).

            I have instances where I don’t have early classes, so sometimes I would use that time to do some exercise for at least 20-30 min.

                I still, live with my parents, so usually, my mom would cook food for lunch, sometimes I would If I have gotten some spare time in between classes or If it so happens that I don’t have any booked classes, then so after I finished with my work I would have my lunch. 

                After that, it’s my FREE TIME, so it depends if I don’t have any plans( like groceries, or run some errands and whatnot), normally you’d find me either reading some book, (recently also some Mangas) or watching some random videos online or movies or binge-watching some TV dramas, or maybe trying to catch some sleep, esp. If I wasn’t able to get enough sleep the night before (which is almost always. night owl, eh?)

                In our house I made everyone to eat dinner at least before 6pm, so we do that, because I want to make sure that we already had our dinner at least 2-3 hours before bedtime, which in my case even more since I’d usually had trouble sleeping, especially if without music.

Sometimes, after dinner, if my internet is okay, and If I feel like it, I would then open classes again, usually for about 2-3 hours; it really depends on the day. Hopefully, I could be able to do it consistently added to my new routine is to practice my writing, like this.  

 It is necessary that I have music on when sleeping, otherwise, I won’t be able to sleep at all, and it has to keep playing the whole night, because if suddenly the music stopped playing for some reason, I’d automatically wake up, no matter how deep my sleep is.  

So there you go! That’s my typical day for the whole week, I‘d even get busier sometimes on the weekend though.

What Makes Me Excited (during the pandemic)

                This is kind of tricky, I feel like there’s so much that makes me excited and at the same it seems like there’s nothing that really makes me feel giddy at all, recently some of the things that makes me feel kilig, would probably be the characters from some of the books that I am reading, I am actually have been reading quite a few YA adult Novel lately. And I guess yes, that’s it.

                Honestly, wherein a very strange time, that I kind of wonder if it’s even okay to feel cheery about something without feeling somewhat guilty. However, I guess it’s going to be really part of it, I mean writing this thing doesn’t really make me less unsympathetic about the situation of the world.

                Another thing that makes me feel excited would be the arrival of my delivery packages, at a time where we are mostly forced to stay home, (not that it really is a big a deal for me, because I have already been working from home and also I have always been into solitude, so.) And in as much as I am okay with these kinds of condition, it’s still different when you know you can just go out anytime and go somewhere freely, but we have to stay home, so getting your delivery packages brought to your home makes you feel something to really look forward to. Keeps you away from the anxiety or forget even for just a little bit about the circumstances we are facing in the world right now.

                I also get excited of course whenever it’s that time of the month when I can get my paycheck, I mean who doesn’t, right? No matter how small or (hopefully) big it is, it always brings joy to me.

                I’ve always been really the loner type, but sometimes I get excited whenever I’d meet some interesting student in my class(I works as ESL tutor, btw!), It’s just like meeting new people with different perspectives only in a virtual way, it makes me feel less lonely too, and what’s best about it is I don’t even have to go out, which is sumth that’s really beneficial also right now.

 

 

 

My Favorite Things

      

               

https://soundcloud.com/ieasha-112001-1/blah-blah  

Being one with the most complicated and conflicted personality, I find it really hard to fathom what I like specifically, or what in particular would I consider that sets apart from the other or actually, I think even if when push comes to shoves I wouldn’t still be able to choose, or prolly I would just pick anyth in random or without much thought. Maybe because however the end result I would usually just roll with it,…uh-kay, now this is starting to bore out, because I’m only supposed to enumerate some of my favorites, but instead, I’m being too vague here, and already on the verge of dropping this whole thing off. Lol.  

Uhmm, let’s see, I like reading books, or maybe only sometimes. I am not really the usual bookworm type who always has his/her nose on a book, because it only depends If I found a book that was able to really caught my interest. Some of my favorites were All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven, which is a story about these two young people who found solace with each other from the emotional scars of each of their past, this one is really heartbreaking though. I also like Dark Places and Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, both stories entail about horrible people who like to do horrible things, which I’m very enthralled of, then  as well as One of Us Is Lying by Karen McManus and Girls Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson and of course the Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown.

I mention that I like reading and I realized that doesn’t have to be just a book; I’m fond of reading pretty much anything that sparks my interest, so it could be just as a simple passage from a book or some inspiring quotes or poems, or a blog post or an article from a magazine,.etc.

I haven’t been watching any TV drama for some time now, especially Kdrama, but I have quite a few fave such as; Scarlet Heart: Ryeo, She Was Pretty, Because this is my First Life, Hotel de Luna, Cheese in the Trap, Pinocchio, Kill Me Heal Me, Go Back Couple, Signal, Angel Eyes, Love Rain, Missing You,..and so on.       

A bid of goodbye to a good friend.

Your demise comes quite as shocking as like with Kane died, I am more saddened that because of the unfortunate circumstance that is happening in the world (hence, covid 19 pandemic), I couldn’t even come to your wake to at least bid a proper farewell. I feel guilty that I don’t even have any idea how bad your situation was. Though I am well aware of your illness, I didn’t know how severe it was, it must have been quite lonely and difficult struggling especially in the past few months because of your illness. When I heard about your passing I couldn’t believe it, I was in denial, but then again that’s how it has always been, I really couldn’t accept it, you’re still so young, and I thought you're living healthy and okay, that what I thought so.

I was suddenly reminded of that letter I gave you one time when we were in college, one proof of your kindness, I am not particularly the type who likes giving a letter, but I did so to you, for some reason even I don’t really know why, all I remember was at that time I just had the urge that I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you as a person, just simply because you are being you (and I for one really has so much respect with people with just being their authentic self), I could just feel that you’re being nice and kind because that’s just you’re natural nature and which is the very reason why I adored you, and I just needed you to know that.

I’ve always liked the odd, eccentric, weird, different and perhaps that’s also part of the reason why I like you, you have a unique personality.

I can only hope that now you are in a much a better place no longer in pain, away from all the sufferings that you went through and may have struggled for so long, you have fought so well, but now you deserved tranquility and hopefully, you are together with your mom. You will surely be missed. May you rest in peace Kupkeyk.

Amazing Seiji

**So, I recently started working as an ESL Tutor, and this guy in the picture was one of my students, so before our class, I was able to get a preview about him since every prev teacher can leave their comment/s and it's available for other teachers to see, and based on their every comment I was kind of creep out reading through the evaluation list from other tutors about the student because they’ve all been saying somewhat the same thing about him. Interestingly they're saying that the student seems to be doing the same thing over and over again every day and apparently it has been going on for the past two years now. First, he’d show you some pictures of flowers that he said he took, then next some pictures of his 2-year old granddaughter, and then the next minute he’s meditating, and out of nowhere he would suddenly read chapter 29 from the book Anne of Green Gables, and then he’s meditating again, and/or he’s gonna play his harmonica with his favorite piece Amazing Grace. It’s always like that. 

So I was kind of nervous because I really don’t know what to feel, I don’t really like to rely on previous comments and also I don’t want to judge him because I haven’t met him yet. at the same time, I don’t want to judge the teachers as they all have their rights with their opinions and thoughts, 

And when I met him, that's when I was able to see it myself, they were right. I am not sure then what to feel, I was conflicted. I was excited and nervous at first, and then when I finally met him I was both sad and happy at the same time. I am having a hard time finding words how am I going to express what I feel about what I have just encountered, I kinda thought that being a psychologist or psychiatrist would somehow fit me, but after that encounter, I started to question myself if what I thought is right, I started to think how capable do I think I am if I am again faced with a similar situation or even worse. Despite seeing how excited he was, doing what he was doing, I just can't simply feel the same, I was deeply distraught. While it seems nice seeing him in his own world and completely oblivious about the reality of the world, (I kinda feel a bit envious of him) I still can't help but feel sad.

 One thing is for sure though, that experience made me ponder about a lot of things in my life. 

 

***I will never get tired of rereading these letters, these are the things that I am never going to trade with anything, call me sentimental, or whatever but I don’t care. I am actually one of those people who have trouble articulating my thoughts and my soul into words that’s why I really appreciate and admire those people who could, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with or about me, my heart feels so overwhelmed.  Reading these letters always reminds me of what kind of a person I was, it’s like peeking through a mirror but in the eyes of others, it kinda makes me feel like I may be doing something right in life, and that despite how I may be hard on myself I find comfort in knowing that there are people who appreciate me, and for that, I am grateful.

I was hoping you're worth it. (Edited)

When you first came into my life,
I honestly didn't want to get involved with anyone.
I wasn't even looking.
And I'm not even sure if I'm capable of it(loving).
I am at that point in life that I am
thinking maybe I'm just meant to be alone.

no one to care, just an unwanted person no one cares about..

Unfortunately, YOU came. (ruining everything)

All of a sudden something has changed.

Suddenly, I become hopeful. (Yup, It was your fault. Nahh, It was all me. But it is better to be you since you don't care anyway.)

Like maybe I wasn't really meant to be alone after all. (I guess this was my blindspot, influenced by the sense that I am one of those girls who needs to be saving by someone, obviously driven by the idea of Prince Charming)

I am well aware of the risk that I'm going to take allowing you to be part of my life. 

(Pfffh, either, I was blinded or just completely manipulated by it)

I've thought about it a lot, (Maybe not really a lot)  if will it be worth it? ( clearly not enough thinking)

I must admit at first, I was so reluctant and really afraid. 

Afraid to show you my true self, my vulnerabilities, and my insecurities. (My poor innocence )
or that what if you're just going to hurt me, and I don't think I'm ready for that. 

But then, I guess I was being impulsive and blinded and soooo naive with what I thought is love.

It seems like nothing matters but you, (shame on you) That finally, I have someone in my life. (poor me)

I was hoping you're worth it.

I really do.

Until YOU are not. (YAY! Finally!)


We had a misunderstanding,, like most relationships I supposed. (or so what I thought was just normal in every relationship. hey, forgive me! how'd I really know, I don't have a lot of experience when it comes to dating, I was n-a-i-v-e)


Until I felt I no longer matter to you. (how dare you!)

And I felt you're drifting away,..(Thank you!)

And it seems like impossible to approach you anymore. (You did well)

I tried to reach out. (I shouldn't) 

But I realized I'm only human. (Good job for realizing that) 

I got tired. (nothing new, I've always been lazy anyway, so)

I suddenly feel pathetic. ( Saaad.)

So I decided I'm done.(YAAAS!)

I was more than willing to fight. (at that time, unforch yes)

But then I felt alone, I felt I was the only one who wanted it. (turn out I was really the only one. my poor self)

And so again...I am alone. (tap, tap)



However, I have no regrets. 

I was happy (for some of it) and for me, that's what makes it worthwhile.

I was grateful for the quiet moments we shared together even it was just for a little while. (not anymore, really)



At times I still do think about you. ( again, my poor self)

It wasn't easy. I kept thinking about what I could have said and done to keep you. (took just a little while )

But it made no sense of course if I was the only one hoping..(purely nonsense)



Now it seems like we're just back to the beginning, back to being stranger. (should have been really in the first place)

Though I may still be hurting and that there's a hole (you perv mind) in my heart right now,

I know what we had has already ended. (srsly, it shouldn't have started in the first place)

I know I have to let go of your promises and words, (they don't even have any meaning at all.

(i was just a fool to believe)

because I still have a heart to heal and a life to live.

so that I can make a space for what's to come.


It may take time and I don't know how long will it be. 
but I know that this tears will dry up soon,
this sleepless night will soon be over, 
and this pain will surely help me be better and stronger. (most definitely it will!)


And that someday I can look back on what we had with a genuine smile.:-D Ugggh, thank God it was over! (RELIEF!)

Be-YOU-tiful ^_^

I struggled a lot how to fit in when I was a teenager(perhaps like anyone else., struggling to find out who I am (and still struggling) and what my purpose in life, confused between what I think I like and what I think I should like base on how the society dictates, struggling to find my own voice, to speak up, a constant battle between what's right and what is acceptable to the majority.

I've also experienced being bullied, but not in extremes I think, usually, some kids despise me probably with the way I talked or how different I am from most kids, or how I seem to be a threat, I guess even among adults that are quite common, whenever there is someone weird or kinda different from what they're idea of what normal is their initial behavior would bully whoever that person is and they excuse with their behavior is they're just having fun, even at the expense of hurting other people\s feelings.

Growing up, my anxieties and insecurities just developed even more. I struggled a lot more to relate especially with people my age, there are tons of times that I feel I never belong in anything, I'm like always the last resort/option with pretty much anything. maybe that's why I just prefer talking to people who are way older than me, I guess that's one thing when you're an only child and don't have a lot of kids to play around with growing up, I was not even allowed to watch TV(cartoons).

College days were never what I imagined it would be like, and it sure did feel like hell most of the time. Yea, I may have more freedom but just as well there were many times I would just cry every night to sleep, it didn't help the fact that I didn't like my course, I felt like a robot, I couldn't even find the courage to speak up to my parents, I feel really alone, even after I graduated. I actually feel worse. I struggle even more on finding a job. I was terrified. I don't know where to start and where to go. I feel LOST.

I couldn't even find the courage to find help, so I had to go through all of it alone. 

I like being independent

I know that who I am now is because of everything I've been thru, and I wouldn't change any of it. I've always felt alone, since then, and even now. But the difference is I think I know myself better now. I am still alone most of the time, but I don't feel lonely anymore.