XLLS
It was heartbreaking. Emotionally heartbreaking, definitely one that will probably last forever. How can it not be? You were my best friend. It's even sadder to say that in 'past tense'. I am not even sure until when will I be able to grasp the fact that you were really already gone, gone too soon but surely not in my heart and soul.
Our friendship was certainly one that would be for the keeps. I am so grateful for the moments that we have spent together. Honestly even to this moment, I am still wondering how we even became friends when you're so pretty and popular while I look like a couch potato. Thankfully you're one oddball, and so am I. We're like two peas in a pod, guess that's why we really became friends in the first place, for some reason it seems like there are things that only we can understand and that other people might find bizarre.
To tell the truth, I really don't know how will I live without feeling a certain amount of guilt. I kept asking myself, " Why? Why did it happen? Am I partly to blame for this? How did I miss the sign? Would I be able to save you if only I was able to figure it out early on? If I at least was there, will I be able to prevent you from doing what you did? How can I be oblivious to your struggles? Was your first attempt already a cry for help? Was I really blinded or were you just too good at pretending?" Too many questions, left unanswered.
I am going to especially miss our exchanged letters during our in-between classes, so oooooold school. I wonder what it would be like if she were still here, would our inbox will explode with our messages with each other? Probably. It's just nice to imagine that, even though I know it would be impossible. Do you know those letters by the way? well, I still have them, It's one of my most treasured letters.
I can really describe Kane as like my vitamin, or maybe that's what we both are actually for each other. I hated the fact that some people have a lot of opinions of what happened( see I am not even sure how to address it). Probably s because that may be what you think will be the best for you during that time when you're struggling. I am just so heartbroken because I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you.
I miss you Kane, I will always think of you, wherever you are, I only wish you happiness.
Thank you for everything. Thank you for the friendship even though it was short-lived.
"it's not about me no longer having you in my life, its about me feeling guilty that i didn't know you were suffering."
