It was heartbreaking. Emotionally devastating—one that will probably stay with me forever. How could it not be? You were my best friend. It’s even sadder to say that in the past tense. I still don’t know how long it will take for me to truly accept that you’re gone—gone too soon, but never from my heart and soul.Our friendship was something special, something worth keeping forever. I am so grateful for the moments we spent together. Even now, I still wonder how we even became friends—you, so pretty and popular, while I looked like a couch potato. But thankfully, you were an oddball. And so am I. We were like two peas in a pod. Maybe that’s why we clicked in the first place—because there were things only we could understand, things others might have found bizarre.
To be honest, I don’t know how I will go on without feeling some level of guilt. I keep asking myself, Why? Why did it happen? Am I partly to blame? How did I miss the signs? Could I have saved you if I had figured it out sooner? If I had just been there, would I have been able to stop you? How could I have been so oblivious to your struggles? Was your first attempt already a cry for help? Was I really blinded, or were you just too good at pretending? So many questions left unanswered.
I’m going to especially miss our exchanged letters during our in-between classes—so old-school. I wonder what it would be like if you were still here. Would our inboxes be overflowing with messages? Probably. It’s nice to imagine, even though I know it’s impossible. And those letters? I still have them. They are some of my most treasured possessions.
Kane was like my vitamin—or maybe that’s what we were for each other. I hate that people have so many opinions about what happened (I don’t even know how to address what happened). Maybe you thought it was the best choice in that moment, during your struggles. And that breaks my heart because I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you.
I miss you, Kane. I will always think of you. Wherever you are, I only wish you happiness.
Thank you for everything. Thank you for the friendship, even though it was short-lived.
"it's not about me no longer having you in my life, its about me feeling guilty that i didn't know you were suffering."
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