If
I may ask you....
Have
you ever had that feeling where in you woke up early in the morning,
feeling restless already.
forcing yourself that
you have to get ready for school not because you’re feeling lazy
but you just don’t feel like going and because you
don’t have any motivation. So,
throughout the day when you’re at school you keep telling
yourself ‘that
you’re going to get through this day, you have to’ and
then with in the day you’re going to have a good laugh and joke
with the people in school like you’re classmates, schoolmates or
your professor and for a while it felt so good and somehow you forget
whatever personal issue you dealing. you feel like staying
a little longer at school even if it seems like everyone has probably
gone home already or some maybe out somewhere doing crazy stuff that
anyone at your age feels like doing and you being left out
realizes you must be going home as well. And now you’re alone at
home you don’t feel like talking and you're just in your room
,isolated, you just burst
out-CRYING.
And
then the same routine for the next morning, and the next day and so
on.
Or
have you ever felt that when you go to your school, you go to your
classroom, you got your pen and notes, you try to listen with what
you’re professor is saying and then you’ve got some of your
classmate participating and there you are sitting in the same room as
everybody but then you didn’t understand anything, so you feel
dumb, you feel
useless, you feel like you
just want to go out and never comeback and you’re asking yourself
“what
am I doing here? Why am I here? “And
then your head hurts, because in as much as you try to figure out the
reason or even when you already realized the reason and you know you
could actually do something about it because you have a choice, (we
always do) but somehow along with that feeling you also felt like
there is something that pushing you not to do it and rather you try
to find for a reason to endure
it until the end.
Because
that is how I felt, everyday when I was still in College.
Actually I
loved going
to school, I enjoy being on school, as I am always alone at home.
Especially when I was in high school, aside from I am that kind of
person who always eager to learn ; I’m actually an active student
on some extra-curricular activities, except sport. I participated on
various clubs. When I was in high-school I’m also part of the CAT,
I even landed as the Corps S1 and I was one of the ever busy student
back then, I love hosting various events and acting as a
representative in behalf of the students for some of our school
programs. But it feels that all of it just fade away when I was in
College, all of a sudden I felt I became a different person, contrary
from how I was already during high/grade-school.
Do
I have regrets?
Obviously
I do. But is there anything I can do about it?
No
and Yes.
No,
because clearly it’s
already in the past So,
technically there’s nothing I can do now to go back in there and
change any of it. Sure, I have some mistakes, -a looooot of it, so
now I’m
dealing with the consequences.
And
Yes, Because I'd like to believed that whether all of it happen because it's supposed to happen or not, I still have a future, so I still have a chance to do what I want or become the person I've always wanted to be.
