Be-YOU-tiful ^_^

I struggled a lot how to fit in when I was a teenager(perhaps like anyone else., struggling to find out who I am (and still struggling) and what my purpose in life, confused between what I think I like and what I think I should like base on how the society dictates, struggling to find my own voice, to speak up, a constant battle between what's right and what is acceptable to the majority.

I've also experienced being bullied, but not in extremes I think, usually, some kids despise me probably with the way I talked or how different I am from most kids, or how I seem to be a threat, I guess even among adults that are quite common, whenever there is someone weird or kinda different from what they're idea of what normal is their initial behavior would bully whoever that person is and they excuse with their behavior is they're just having fun, even at the expense of hurting other people\s feelings.

Growing up, my anxieties and insecurities just developed even more. I struggled a lot more to relate especially with people my age, there are tons of times that I feel I never belong in anything, I'm like always the last resort/option with pretty much anything. maybe that's why I just prefer talking to people who are way older than me, I guess that's one thing when you're an only child and don't have a lot of kids to play around with growing up, I was not even allowed to watch TV(cartoons).

College days were never what I imagined it would be like, and it sure did feel like hell most of the time. Yea, I may have more freedom but just as well there were many times I would just cry every night to sleep, it didn't help the fact that I didn't like my course, I felt like a robot, I couldn't even find the courage to speak up to my parents, I feel really alone, even after I graduated. I actually feel worse. I struggle even more on finding a job. I was terrified. I don't know where to start and where to go. I feel LOST.

I couldn't even find the courage to find help, so I had to go through all of it alone. 

I like being independent

I know that who I am now is because of everything I've been thru, and I wouldn't change any of it. I've always felt alone, since then, and even now. But the difference is I think I know myself better now. I am still alone most of the time, but I don't feel lonely anymore.