Dear future boyfriend,

Here are some of the few things I think you should know about me:

1. I'm awkward. As in really awkward.
Sometimes I am difficult to talk to, and really confusing.
Either, I may blab a lot the first time we'll meet or I tend not to speak at all.

2. I'm like a collection of paradoxes.
My feelings tend to change very so often.
Sometimes I feel confident, other times I feel super shy.

3. I don't normally do well in situations.
Most of the time I ended up doing and saying the wrong things.

4. I don't really like dwelling with complicated situations or scenarios.
I don't like nagging and I don't like being nagged, basically I'm usually annoyed by arguing or confrontations. Just be calm.

5. I may not look like it but I'm actually a cowboy, you can bring me anywhere, wherever, though I may seem like enjoying my lone time at home, I actually love travelling or going into places, getting the chance to meet all kinds of people and experiencing different things.

6. There will be times when I'm very quirky, talky and fun, but I also have some psycho moments when I would preferred to be by myself, alone with my thoughts.

7.I am also the queen of epic failures.
I'm really clumsy, no matter how much I tried or maybe sometimes I am over doing it, but either way I usually ended up failing.

8. I may not be or most probably I may be, the most understanding person you'll ever meet. I do rant random stuff sometimes as part of being a girl, but I'd preferred listening. Just talk about anything, I really enjoy senseless convo about life, love and basically anything under the sun.

9. I really as in really really hate negative people. I despised people who seem to can always see the negative things in every situation or other people. I am not being irrational, of course I know we have to see the bigger picture, but there's just a difference between being negative and being realistic.

10. I usually feel burden when other people do stuff for me, I don't feel comfortable seeking help or asking favor from other people. I'd rather do it by myself, though I don't like being ask to run around as well.

11. I'm a sucker for respect, we may disagree about this but more than love I'd preferred to be respected. Pride is nothing if I really love you, but love is nothing if you have no respect.

Ink, Paper, and Heartfelt Words

I will never get tired of rereading these letters. These are things I would never trade for anything. Call me sentimental or whatever—as if I care.🙄

I’ve always had trouble articulating my thoughts and soul into words, which is why I deeply appreciate and admire those who can. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with or about me; my heart feels overwhelmed.

Reading these letters always reminds me of the person I once was. It’s like looking into a mirror, but through someone else’s lens—just as it is for those who wrote to me. And despite how hard I may be on myself, I find comfort in knowing that there are people who appreciate me—and for that, I am grateful.

I was hoping you're worth it. (Edited)

When you first came into my life,

I honestly didn’t want to get involved with anyone.

I wasn’t even looking.

And I wasn’t even sure if I was capable of it (loving).

I was at that point in life where I thought,

Maybe I’m just meant to be alone.

No one to care for, just an unwanted person no one cares about.

Unfortunately, YOU came. (Ruining everything.)

All of a sudden, something changed.

Suddenly, I became hopeful. (Yup, it was your fault. Nahh, it was all me. But it’s better to blame you since you don’t care anyway.)

Like maybe I wasn’t really meant to be alone after all.

(I guess this was my blind spot—driven by the idea that I’m one of those girls who need saving, obviously influenced by the Prince Charming fantasy.)

I was well aware of the risk of letting you into my life.

(Pfffh, either I was blinded or completely manipulated by it.)

I thought about it a lot. (Maybe not really a lot.)

Was it worth it? (Clearly, not enough thinking was involved.)

I must admit, at first, I was reluctant and really afraid.

Afraid to show you my true self, my vulnerabilities, and my insecurities. (My poor innocence.)

Afraid that you’d hurt me, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for that.

But then, I guess I was impulsive, blinded, and soooo naïve about what I thought was love.

It seemed like nothing else mattered but you. (Shame on you.)

Finally, I had someone in my life. (Poor me.)

I was hoping you were worth it.

I really, really was.

Until… YOU WEREN’T. (YAY! Finally!)

We had a misunderstanding—like most relationships, I supposed. (Or so I thought was normal. Forgive me! How would I know? I was n-a-i-v-e.)

Until I felt like I no longer mattered to you. (How dare you!)

And I felt you drifting away… (Thank you!)

And suddenly, it seemed impossible to reach you. (Well done.)

I tried to hold on. (I shouldn’t have.)

But I realized—I’m only human. (Good job for realizing that.)

I got tired. (Nothing new—I’ve always been lazy anyway.)

I suddenly felt pathetic. (Saaad.)

So, I decided I was done. (YAAAS!)

I was more than willing to fight. (At the time. Unfortunately, yes.)

But then, I felt alone—like I was the only one who wanted it.

(Turns out, I really was the only one. My poor self.)

And so, once again… I was alone. (Tap, tap.)

However, I have no regrets.

I was happy (for some of it), and for me, that’s what made it worthwhile.

I was grateful for the quiet moments we shared, even if they were short-lived. (Not anymore, really.)

At times, I still think about you. (Again, my poor self.)

It wasn’t easy. I kept wondering what I could have said or done to make you stay. (Luckily, that didn’t last long.)

But, of course, it made no sense if I was the only one hoping. (Pure nonsense.)

Now, we’re just back to where we started—back to being strangers. (Which is where we should have stayed in the first place.)

Though I may still be hurting, though there’s a hole (don’t get any ideas, you perv) in my heart right now,

I know what we had is over. (Seriously, it shouldn’t have even started.)

I know I have to let go of your words and promises. (Not that they meant anything anyway. I was just a fool to believe them.)

Because I still have a heart to heal and a life to live.

So that I can make space for what’s to come.

It may take time—I don’t know how long.

But I know these tears will dry up soon,

these sleepless nights will end,

and this pain will only make me better and stronger. (Most definitely, it will!)

And one day, I’ll look back at all of this with a genuine smile.

Ugggh, thank God it’s over! (RELIEF!)